Rev Diesel
High Prophet of the Church of the Carburetor. Delivers sermons in motor oil and thunder. Most dangerous thing he owns is patience.
President Whitfield Wallace
Whitey Wallace runs things from a barstool out back, writin’ laws on napkins and settin’ folks straight with buckshot and beer talk. He don’t give a damn ’bout suits or city rules—just neighbors, grease, and gittin’ shit done.
Joe Slocum
Lives off the grid with too many radios, too many opinions, and not enough pants. Listens to Rev’s Saturday sermons broadcasted by ham radio. Sheriff won’t go near his woods.
Bubba
He once drove a lawnmower into a church barbecue and blamed the devil in the carb. Now he’s technically banned from three counties and kind of a legend in two.
Adolph Morrow
Former Redneck Army gunsmith, running Pine Lick’s armory with bourbon wisdom, sharp sarcasm, and rifles that never lie.
Bobby Ray
A walking felony with a brother who won’t speak to him. Even Rev Diesel passed on saving him. Still manages to find the worst possible parties.
Sheriff Bo Harper
Veteran of four wars and two divorces. Built a still out of a washing machine. Says he doesn’t trust clean water and bathes in creekshine.
White John
No one knows where he came from or how he got that name, but he’s been kicked out of every bar except one – and that’s only because they owe him money.
Cletus Tuggwell
Granny’s quiet little felony with a visor, a bait bucket, and ten shell companies. He launders cash from a bait shop so fake it still smells like worms.
Bernice “Granny” Tuggwell
Outlaw matriarch of the Redneck Gang with a perm, a pie, and a CB full of felonies. She don’t run from the law—she outruns it in reverse, blastin’ gospel and flippin’ fingers.
Uncle Joe
Granny’s ride-or-die and the gang’s master of missing vehicles. If it’s got wheels and a VIN, he already knows how to flip it, strip it, and vanish it.
Missy
A city vet who came to save a dog and stayed for the gunpowder. Missy heals by day, shoots by faith, and never misses twice.
Brandon
Left the sticks for soy and screens – came back preachin’ and left with a black eye. Brandon rides in silence now, in the far-right lane, exactly where the Lord placed him.
Mayor “SKIP” Mallard
Mayor Skip Mallard runs the town on noise, duct tape, and Coors Light protocol. When the power dies, he yells “Beer first!” and somehow, people listen.
Earl
MMember of the Church, older than rust, full of spit and fix-it wisdom. Earl don’t preach. He just outlives and outwrenches your whole philosophy.
Uncle Dale
Uncle Dale dresses like a bunny, paints like a maniac, and burns tradition with a smile. He’s not invited — he just shows up and airbrushes your fridge.
Cousin Ray
Explosives expert with a good heart and bad timing. Cousin Ray can blow up anything—just pray he don’t test it near your grandma.
Hank Wilmer
He don’t scan, don’t swipe, don’t trust nothin’ you gotta charge. Hank trades in diesel, dignity, and deals sealed with a nod.
Roy “RIVERBED” McGraw
Roy’s the guy who turns every crash into a fishing trip. If you see his truck in a pond, don’t worry — he’s probably already on the roof with a cold one.
Ditchman Joe
Collects roadkill, feeds the town when blizzards hit. You’ll hate what he does ‘til you’re starving — then you’ll love every bite.
Belzemusk
Belzemusk runs Electric Hell like a fancy startup, pushin’ solar pits and sellin’ silence by the pound. Bubba’s smoke, laughter, and loud engines wrecked his groove, and that burn mark’s still there.
Darla Mae Jenkin
Pine Lick’s TV queen, turning small-town gossip into breaking news — and maybe stealing Sheriff Bo’s heart in the process.
Lynnie Sue
Beauty vlogger stranded in Pine Lick, filming lip gloss battles against mud, raccoons, and the world’s slowest Wi-Fi.
Thomas “HEKY” Holloway
Legendary former sniper and method instructor — “dead” on paper, watching the ridges for Pine Lick’s quiet end.
Ignition
Uncle Joe’s silent hound — half ghost, half weapon, fully aware. He don’t bark. He remembers. And if he moves, someone’s already screwed.
Clyde the Raccoon
Clyde steals tools, moonshine, and sometimes dignity. Allegedly helps Rev with Sunday Service, mostly by biting people and escaping with offerings.